Comedy writer Janice Hough: "George W. Bush's State of the Union speech was uncommonly defiant. Most presidents use their last State of the Union to list their achievements, but aides told Bush the speech needed to be more than 5 minutes long."
Michael Feldman, public radio's "Whad'Ya Know?": "In the president's last State of the Union, his speech is interrupted by ennui 37 times, deja vu a dozen, and either sporadic applause or someone setting off cherry bombs in the gallery."
David Letterman, "Late Show With David Letterman": "Happy news from Hollywood. Angelina Jolie is pregnant, and insiders believe as soon as the child is born, she plans to adopt it."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "The big issue in South Carolina was lost textile jobs. That's why Hillary was so stunned that she came in a distant second. In fact, she said, 'I've been wearing all of these pantsuits for nothing.'"
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "The New York Giants are deep into their preparations for the Super Bowl. Eli Manning is working on his passing, Plaxico Burress is working on his passing routes and Michael Strahan is working on getting 17 game tickets for his divorce attorneys."
Novak on Sylvester Stallone's newest "Rambo" movie: "In this film, a heavily armed Rambo breaks across the Canadian border to get cheaper prescription drugs."
David Letterman, "Late Show With David Letterman": "Everyone's worried about the economy. Don't worry, George W. Bush is going to give it a shot in the arm. If that doesn't work, Dick Cheney's going to give it a shot in the face."
Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "During a service to honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in Harlem, Bill Clinton was caught nodding off. He later claimed that like MLK, he was having a dream, only his involved thongs."
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "Even though he placed second, Barack Obama characterized the results of the Nevada caucuses as a victory because he won one more delegate than Hillary Clinton. Obama is looking more and more like a Republican. One day he's praising Ronald Reagan, the next he's winning caucuses with a lesser amount of votes."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "The Taliban says it will attack restaurants in Kabul in order to target Americans in Afghanistan. Even the terrorists know if you want to find Americans, look in the restaurants first."
Comedy writer Janice Hough: "The wildly diverse Republican primary results in January are hard to believe. Three different winners in five different primaries - and that's not even counting the three different candidates Mitt Romney has been."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: John McCain stopped yesterday at a Miami assisted-living community. He thinks it's important to go after the youth vote.
Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "Terrell Owens cried at the press conference after Dallas lost the game to the Giants in the NFL playoffs. Hasn't he learned anything from Hillary? You're supposed to cry before the competition if you want to win."
Bill Maher, "Real Time With Bill Maher": "I don't get this. Hillary Clinton's been bragging all year long that she's been doing this for 35 years, but she just found her voice on Tuesday? There's a medical term for this: 'slow learner.'"
David Letterman, "Late Show With David Letterman": "President George W. Bush is in the Middle East . . . [he] would like to settle the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. He's so confident about doing this that he's already unfolding the 'Mission Accomplished' banner."
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "An alligator in Delray Beach, Fla., emerged out of a lake, attacking three dogs and killing one. You can't blame the dogs for being complacent. When they saw something hideous in a swamp, they just assumed it was Rudy Giuliani."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "President Bush says if he were running for president, he would run as an agent of change. He then declared he was going to continue to stay the course."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Some sad news today for Barack Obama. Did you hear about this? Apparently, he's been endorsed by former candidate John Kerry. Just when things were going so well."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "As you may have heard ... the price of oil closed at $100 a barrel. You see, I don't think President Bush really understands this issue. In fact, when they asked him what effect this would have on average Americans, President Bush said it wouldn't have much effect at all. He said, 'Most Americans buy their oil in little cans.'"
Comedy writer and Newsday senior multimedia producer Meredith Daniels: "The Huntington Town Board plans to set a hearing on a law banning Silly String because it damages the finish on fire trucks in parades. The board says it may also ban drunken parade-goers for the same reason."
David Letterman, "Late Show With David Letterman," on the continued effects of the Writers Guild strike: "As a result, NBC has canceled the Golden Globes. Thank you, Writers Guild."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich has filed a complaint with the FCC because ABC would not let him participate in its presidential debate. The FCC responded by asking 'Who are you again?'"
Barach on New Jersey lawmakers considering an apology for slavery: "Not so much for the kidnapping and forced slavery as for making them live in New Jersey."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "A report shows the number of homicides is down in New York City. The most publicized fatality since October has been the Knicks."
Well, the title pretty much says it all. For those of you who don't know, CobraHosts.com had been the hosting provider that I used (and my Uncle's company used) since 2005. Unfortunately, they were sold to a new owner somewhere towards the end of 2006/beginning of 2007, and now they pretty much suck. Both my Uncle's company and I left them in the middle of 2007 after they royally screwed us over. That would have been the end of it, except for the fact that CobraHosts.com and their owner, Terry Reinhart, decided to personally attack me a few days ago. The attack was completely unprovoked and out-of-the-blue, and was posted on a forum where I had posted a request that had absolutely nothing to do with CobraHosts.com or any bearing on them whatsoever. As a result, now I want everyone to know what happened in the past and just how bad a company they are!
Please visit CobraHosts-Sucks.com to read the entire story, see what they did to my Uncle's company and me, and get a better idea about just how awful a company they are.
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "Rudy Giuliani has decided to bypass Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina, and put all his chips on the primary in Florida. Giuliani's campaign must be in critical condition to opt for a triple bypass."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Members of Congress spent more than $20 million on mailings in 2007 - mostly to tell constituents how they are going to rein in excessive government spending."
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "Israeli scientists have inscribed the entire Hebrew text of the Jewish Bible onto a space less than half the size of grain of sugar. Such a small object should be a challenge for the Palestinian terrorists who will inevitably try to blow it up."
Comedy writer Doug Austen: "The international space station got a delivery of two tons of supplies and holiday gifts. The astronauts learned that even with less gravity, fruitcake still weighs a ton."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "This New Year's Eve, music blared, Champagne flowed and inebriated people made out with strangers on the street. Or as Paris Hilton called it, 'Monday.'"
Barach on Russian President Vladimir Putin being chosen as Time magazine's Person of the Year: "Al Gore finished in second. When asked what it was like to lose to a dictator of a floundering country who had no regard for civil rights, Gore said, 'Been there, done that.'"
