Comedy writer Jake Novak: "Republicans are looking at the bright side after their big losses last night. The Democrats didn't get 60 Senate seats, Obama did not get 400 electoral votes, and now that he's vice president, no one will ever have to listen to Joe Biden ever again."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "This weekend at a John McCain rally, Arnold Schwarzenegger said that Barack Obama needs to exercise more because his legs are too skinny. Then he said: 'Now behold - the awesome physical specimen that is John McCain!'"
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Sarah Palin told a crowd ... [that] when she campaigns, she doesn't wear her wedding ring because the shape of it hurts her finger when she's shaking a lot of hands. And Bill said to Hillary, 'See! I told you I wasn't making it up.'"
David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman": "Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens has been convicted on seven counts of fraud and corruption. And Republicans are relieved, because at least it didn't involve an airport men's room."
Comedy writer Matt Passett: "A lot of people who lost their Wall Street jobs are now looking to get jobs with nonprofits. If they want to work for a nonprofit, they should consider a job with a bank."
Comedy writer Pedro Bartes on Joe the Plumber deciding against recording a country album: "Ironically, he didn't have the pipes."
