Bill Maher, "Real Time with Bill Maher": "Joe the plumber, turns out, really isn't a licensed plumber, he's in trouble for not paying the taxes that he does owe, he isn't really close to buying any sort of plumbing company, and his name isn't Joe. Or, as the McCain campaign explained it, 'Who is Barack Obama?'"
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show," on same: "John McCain has said that he wants to help this man. Here's what he should do: Have him re-pipe all of McCain's houses. That would be a job for life."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "Colin Powell has endorsed Barack Obama for president. This has forced Sarah Palin to change her stump speech. 'Our opponent is someone who pals around with militarists.'"
Comedy writer Janice Hough: "After weeks of being lampooned by Tina Fey, Sarah Palin showed up in person on 'Saturday Night Live.' Apparently Joe Biden also inquired about coming to speak on the show, but NBC informed him that the program only runs for an hour and a half."
Comedy writer Doug Austen: "Madonna and filmmaker Guy Ritchie are getting divorced after nearly eight years of marriage. No word yet on who will get custody of her British accent."
Amy Poehler, "Saturday Night Live": "Despite enormous fluctuations in the Dow Jones average this week, billionaire investor Warren Buffett announced Friday that he will continue to invest in the stock market during the current financial crisis. So remember, everyone, this is no time to panic, as long as you're the richest man on Earth."
