Comedy writer Doug Austen: "In an interview with Fox News, Hillary Clinton says her chances of running for president again are 'Probably close to zero.' Translation: She hasn't yet chosen a design for the Hillary 2012 bumper sticker."
Comedy writer Janice Hough: "Amazingly, after almost two years of this presidential campaign, millions of Americans still claim to be undecided. And aren't these the same people who always seem to be in front of you in line at Starbucks?"
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "A town in upstate New York is being accused of being biased because they sent out absentee ballots that say 'Barack Osama.' Today they apologized and printed new ballots that say, 'Barack Hussein Osama.'"
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "The White House says it was 'despicable' that executives from AIG spent $440,000 on a retreat days after the government bailed out their company. To which President George W. Bush said, 'Taking a vacation in the middle of the crisis? Who do they think they are - me?'"
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "General Motors fell to its lowest level since 1950, not a good sign. In fact, in terms of carmakers, General Motors is now third behind Tonka and Hot Wheels."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "Kids won't be going to Sarah Palin's house this Halloween. 'Trick or treat?' is just one more question the McCain campaign won't let her answer."
