Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it's Chapter 11."
Bill Maher, "Real Time with Bill Maher": "The federal government announced a plan to spend a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall Street was surprisingly enthusiastic about the plan. ... It was either that, or Sarah Palin's idea to sell it all on eBay."
Comedy writer Janice Hough: "Both Yankee Stadium and Shea Stadium will be demolished piece by piece, as New York law prohibits large scale implosions. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell Wall Street."
Comedy writer Doug Austen: "Sarah Palin spoke at a retirement community in Florida. Palin knows how to play to a crowd. She promised to keep terrorists out of America and off our lawns."
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "As stocks continue to crash, oil prices are posting record gains the last few days. It's not clear if this is about supply and demand, or because all the former Wall Street investment bankers are now working as gas station attendants."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "Magician David Blaine is trying to hang upside down in New York's Central Park for 60 hours. This is an attempt to do something no one else has ever accomplished - getting the locals to look up."
