Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart": "With Barack Obama and John McCain hogging the front pages in the United States, President Bush decided to get out of town and take a quick trip to Europe. Making him one of the only Americans who can still afford a trip to Europe."
Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "President Bush has enlisted British Special Forces in a final attempt to capture Osama bin Laden. Apparently, the president wants to ask Bin Laden about good places to hide because he might need them after he leaves office."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Congressman Anthony Wiener of New York ... has introduced a bill that will grant immigrant status ... to supermodels that want to come here. Well, I have never been prouder to be an American. Of course, the nice thing about bringing these foreign supermodels here, you don't have to worry about them taking food out of American mouths."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "'The Incredible Hulk' is in theaters. The big green monster must rescue New York City from annihilation. The only ones who are safe are the Yankees, because they're in the basement."
Comedy writer Jim Barach on Madonna's 47-year-old brother's new tell-all book: "It's called 'Did You Know Madonna Has a Brother?'"
