Amy Poehler, "Saturday Night Live," on John Edwards endorsing Barack Obama: "It's believed that Edwards' endorsement of Senator Obama will help Obama nail down the critical handsome millionaire vote."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "The oldest serving member of Congress, former Klan member Senator Robert Byrd, has endorsed Barack Obama for president. That's got to make Hillary feel good. Even the Klan guy is going, 'I'm gonna go with the black guy.'"
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "In a speech this past weekend, Hillary Clinton said John McCain couldn't be more out of touch. Then she said, 'If you'll excuse me, I'm about to win the Democratic nomination.'"
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "President Bush's approval rating has dropped to an all-time low; 82 percent of Americans feel the country is headed in the wrong direction. Not only is it headed in the wrong direction, but with gas at $4 a gallon it costs twice as much to get there."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "Winemaking guru Robert Mondavi is dead at 94. Funeral home arrangements have been announced. His coffin will be kept at room temperature."
Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: "California ruled that gay marriage is legal. In San Francisco, men donned wild dresses, popped Champagne corks, and kissed strangers. When asked how long the gay ruling celebration would last, they replied, 'What gay ruling celebration?'"
