Comedy writer Janice Hough: "The U.S. is truly the land of opportunity. A black man who just finished paying off his student loans can be called 'elitist.' A woman who with her husband has earned over $100 million in the past five years can call herself 'middle class.' And a 71-year-old man who has earned nothing but government paychecks his entire adult life can call himself an 'outsider.'"
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Gen. David Petraeus was grilled by the presidential candidates and other congressional leaders on Capitol Hill for two days last week. He said he couldn't wait to get back to Iraq, where the government is much more friendly and compassionate."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "The pope will visit President Bush in the White House. Talk about different leaders. One speaks almost no English and thinks he's God's emissary. The other is the head of the Catholic Church."
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "Construction workers jackhammered through concrete this week to pull out a Red Sox jersey from the base of the new Yankee Stadium. The bodies of the 15 former union officials also in the foundation were not disturbed."
Comedy writer Jim Barach on a study that says that a person's face can tell if the person is interested in casual sex or a long-term commitment: "You can tell they are interested in casual sex if the face in question is a man's."
