Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "Ralph Nader announced he's running for president again. Immediately after the announcement, the guy sitting next to Nader on the park bench told him to shut up."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Hillary Clinton has released a new blueprint for the U.S. economy. Hopefully it will have better results than her recent campaign strategy."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "You know what's amazing? All the acting Oscars went to foreigners. Foreigners won everything. In fact, today Lou Dobbs called for a 10-foot fence to be built around Hollywood."
Michael Feldman, public radio's "Whad'Ya Know?": "John McCain refuses to take reports that he had an affair with a woman 30 years his junior as a compliment."
Leno on same: "They say this woman traveled around with McCain to his campaign stops and she also flew aboard his private jet. You know what they call a young woman who travels around with a 71-year-old man? A nurse!"
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "A new survey shows that nearly half of U.S. adults have abandoned religion altogether. The other half are currently worshipping Barack Obama."
Bill Maher, "Real Time with Bill Maher": "The province of Kosovo on Sunday declared independence from Serbia, prompting Hillary Clinton to ask, 'So, who gets those delegates?'"
