David Letterman, "Late Show With David Letterman": "Everyone's worried about the economy. Don't worry, George W. Bush is going to give it a shot in the arm. If that doesn't work, Dick Cheney's going to give it a shot in the face."
Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "During a service to honor Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in Harlem, Bill Clinton was caught nodding off. He later claimed that like MLK, he was having a dream, only his involved thongs."
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "Even though he placed second, Barack Obama characterized the results of the Nevada caucuses as a victory because he won one more delegate than Hillary Clinton. Obama is looking more and more like a Republican. One day he's praising Ronald Reagan, the next he's winning caucuses with a lesser amount of votes."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "The Taliban says it will attack restaurants in Kabul in order to target Americans in Afghanistan. Even the terrorists know if you want to find Americans, look in the restaurants first."
Comedy writer Janice Hough: "The wildly diverse Republican primary results in January are hard to believe. Three different winners in five different primaries - and that's not even counting the three different candidates Mitt Romney has been."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: John McCain stopped yesterday at a Miami assisted-living community. He thinks it's important to go after the youth vote.
