Kinda funny...coyote wanders into Quizno's in Chicago and plants itself in the beverage cooler...see the ABC 7 Chicago link below for a video too...
By Paul Meincke ABC 7 Chicago
Coyote captured in Loop to be set free
Animal wanders into downtown Quiznos
April 4, 2007 - A coyote that wandered into a Loop sandwich shop and took a seat in the beverage cooler will be set free today.
The uninvited guest may have been looking for food when it wandered into the Quiznos sandwich shop on east Adams near Wabash. That sent all the customers out the restaurant's front door, which was apparently open because of the warm weather.
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "Researchers have created a sheep that is 15 percent human. In a related story, the Bush administration is in hot water for trying to create a Justice Department that is 100 percent sheep."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "The U.S. census says it has overstated the uninsured for the past decade. Instead of 46.6million uninsured people, it says there are actually 44.8 million. The other 1.8 million are now dead."
Bill Maher, "Real Time With Bill Maher," on Dick Cheney's recent hospital visit: "He was experiencing discomfort in his leg. The doctor asked Cheney if he stretches. Cheney said, 'Are you kidding? I linked 9/11 with Saddam Hussein.' "
Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: "We are down from 65 to the Final Four. But enough about who might be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby; the NCAA tournament is also winding down."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "Sunday is April Fool's Day. There will be lots of practical jokes around the White House. For instance, Karl Rove likes to pretend he's bipartisan."
Jim Barach on the FAA's new plan to ease air congestion between New York and Philadelphia: "New Jersey senators say that would mean more noise over their state, which would annoy some residents. On the other hand, they concede that it would cover up some of the gunfire."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Alberto Gonzales has gotten into trouble for firing eight U.S. attorneys for what appear to be political reasons. President Bush said he still has confidence in Gonzales. The same confidence he had in Rumsfeld, Scooter Libby and Michael Brown of FEMA."
Michael Feldman, public radio's "Whad'Ya Know?": "Vying for the Jewish vote, Hillary says she's behind Israel 100 percent, Obama raises it to 200. Hillary says she can get it for you wholesale, Obama says cost. Hillary's playing Queen Esther for Purim, Obama stars as Tevye in 'Fiddler' at a dinner theater in Skokie. Running neck and neck."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "The chairman of the House Science Committee says NASA is headed for 'a train wreck' without better funding. Apparently he means that astronauts will soon be forced to take Amtrak."
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "The 555-seat Airbus A380 made its debut in the United States on Monday. The new jet is expected to eventually set records for stranding the most people at a single departure gate."
Comedy writer Rob Bates: "Sylvester Stallone has been charged in Australia with illegally importing performance-enhancing drugs. Unfortunately, he didn't take the drugs in time for his latest Rocky movie."
Barach on the government-run oil industry in Mexico suffering from depleted reserves, crumbling pipelines and outdated technology: "Or as we call it here: Exxon."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Rudy Giuliani has defended Newt Gingrich, saying it's OK Newt had an affair and that no one is perfect. That's when you know the Republicans are in trouble: When a guy with three marriages and an affair is defending the guy with three marriages and two affairs, so they can team up and beat a Clinton."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "20,000 people gathered in Buenos Aires to hear Venezuelan President Chavez bash President Bush. Things got so violent, officials were afraid a soccer match was going to break out."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night With Conan O'Brien": "After visiting Guatemala, President Bush flew to Mexico. There was an awkward moment when Bush greeted the Mexicans by saying, 'Hello future Californians.' "
Bill Maher, "Real Time With Bill Maher," on the rumor that President Bush will pardon Lewis "Scooter" Libby: "I say that if Bush doesn't pardon him, at least he should give him a new nickname, because if you have 'Scooter' on the back of your jumpsuit, you are asking for it."
Barach on an Israeli firm that has developed an armed combat robot: "Some people are concerned. The last time that happened, it got elected governor of California."
Comedy writer Alan Ray on the NCAA basketball tournament: "What do you have when you take 64 teams and divide them by 4? The players' graduation rate."
Comedy writer Jake Novak on Lewis "Scooter" Libby being found guilty: "The jury found that Libby lied to NBC newsman Tim Russert. But seriously, is there a politician in Washington who hasn't?"
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night With Conan O'Brien": "A new poll finds that President Bush's father, George Bush, is the most popular living ex-president. Apparently, voters were just excited to hear the words 'George Bush' next to the phrase 'ex-president.'"
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "A blood clot was discovered in Dick Cheney's left leg. Democrats on Capitol Hill are concerned about his health. They've offered to take him for treatment at Walter Reed Hospital."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Presidential candidate Barack Obama's ancestors may have been slave owners. Republicans say the claim is just a political ploy to win support in the Southern states."
Novak on reports that presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani is estranged from both of his children: "So, Rudy really is the true political heir to Ronald Reagan."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "According to the Taliban, Osama bin Laden is alive. But they said if he dies, he'd now like to be buried in the Bahamas."
David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman": "[Film director] James Cameron thinks that he found the tomb of Jesus Christ. To me, that's very interesting. Who would have guessed that they'd find Jesus before bin Laden?"
At the end of the tax year The IRS sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books, he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'
Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'
Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these matzo (bread) purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'
Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo balls.'
I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'
Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi. 'What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the IRS, and about once a year they send us a complete dick.'
Comedy writer Matt Passet: "According to the latest polls, Hillary Clinton's decision to stand by Bill after his affair is seen as a sign of strength. Upon hearing this, Bill said that if it'll help her numbers, he'd gladly do it again."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "Tom Vilsack has dropped out of the Democratic race for president. His last fundraising dinner was a huge flop. Apparently there was too much noise in the next booth."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night With Conan O'Brien": "The U.S. government has hired several psychics to help find Osama bin Laden. So far the psychics haven't been able to locate bin Laden, but they do predict he'll soon find true love."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show," on a juror in the Scooter Libby trial being dismissed after being exposed to information about the case outside of the courtroom: "How did this happen? The news channels talk about nothing but Anna Nicole and Britney Spears for the last two weeks. What channel is this guy watching?"
Leno: "Al Gore said that for the first time, the Academy Awards had a green theme. Which is not really true. It's always had a green theme - money and envy."
Comedy writer Rob Bates: "Anti-bullying advocates are upset with the name of a new professional basketball team in Syracuse called the Syracuse Bullies. Team members met with the advocates and stole their lunch money."
