Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "Hillary Clinton compared Iowans' careful inspection of all the political candidates before their Jan. 3 caucuses to a car buyer 'kicking the tires and looking under the trunk.' The trunk? Car buyers look under the hood. Wives of cheating husbands look under the trunk."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "Joe Lieberman has endorsed John McCain for president. Of course, the Connecticut senator is from a different faith than others in Washington. He is bipartisan."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Rudy Giuliani said he wanted to deport every illegal alien in New York City. Apparently he changed his mind when he realized he would be known as the man who left the Yankees without a pitching staff."
Ray on "Jeopardy!" host Alex Trebek's suffering a mild heart attack: "He couldn't understand what had happened until his doctor explained it to him in the form of a question."
Comedy writer Doug Austen: Arizona man has exclusive rights to sell a smokeless cigarette in the U.S. It's battery-powered and works by replacing smoke with water vapor. You don't get cancer, but if you inhale you'll drown."
Barach on Alberto Gonzales' being named lawyer of the year by the American Bar Association Magazine: "When asked if he has ever received a bigger honor, Gonzales said, 'I don't recall.'"
