David Letterman, "Late Show With David Letterman": "FEMA faked a press conference and earlier today, President Bush strongly condemned it - at his own fake press conference."
Bill Maher, "Real Time With Bill Maher": "President Bush . . . declared California a national disaster area. And I think I can speak for all Californians when I say to him, 'Right back at ya.'"
Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "Dick Cheney was caught by news cameras sound asleep during a cabinet meeting about the California wildfires. White House officials tried to spin it, saying he was praying for the destruction of Iran."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "According to the latest polls, Chris Dodd is at zero percent of the vote. Zero percent? Do you know what that means? Even he isn't voting for himself."
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "Dick Cheney's annual Halloween party was a big bust this year. Apparently, nobody won the 'waterboarding for apples' contest."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "The Los Angeles Dodgers are interested in Joe Torre as manager. He's attracted to some of the perks of this particular job. For instance, Octobers off."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night With Conan O'Brien": "In a recent interview, Arnold Schwarzenegger said cannabis is not a drug. Of course, when Arnold said it, it sounded like, 'Cannibals need a hug.'"
