Bill Maher, "Real Time with Bill Maher": "The Turkish parliament has voted to approve the idea of invading Iraq. President Bush was furious. He said, 'What kind of country takes a vote before it invades Iraq?'"
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Political experts say Hillary Clinton is showing her femininity to court older, married women. To even things out, Bill Clinton is spending his time courting younger, single women."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "President Bush met with the Dalai Lama at the White House. One awkward moment: When the Dalai Lama walked into the Oval Office wearing the traditional robe, Bush started chanting, 'Toga! Toga!'"
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "FBI agents raided a Las Vegas warehouse owned by magician David Copperfield. They seized nearly $2 million in cash. Apparently the entire $2 million was in quarters Copperfield pulled out of peoples' ears."
David Letterman, "Late Night with David Letterman": "In Pennsylvania, (there were) two delivery guys, one for Coke, one for Pepsi. The Coke delivery guy was beaten up by the Pepsi delivery guy. Fortunately, he was treated at the scene by Dr. Pepper."
O'Brien on Yankees manager Joe Torre's rejecting the team's offer of a pay cut that would reduce his salary to $5 million a year: "Torre said for $5 million he couldn't even get Yankee tickets."
