Comedy writer Janice Hough: "The Pentagon admits they have lost track of about 190,000 AK-47 assault rifles and pistols given to Iraqi security forces, and they fear that some of them might have have fallen into the hands of insurgents fighting U.S. forces in Iraq. Great, now we can't even find our own weapons of mass destruction."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Rudy Giuliani is defending his wife, portrayed by Vanity Fair magazine as a 'princess bride' who demands an extra airplane seat for her Louis Vuitton bag. It's actually just a way to keep Rudy from sitting next to her."
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "Barry Bonds surpassed Hank Aaron's career home run record. Fans held up signs with asterisks. Barry held up his own sign that read, 'Kiss my asterisk.'"
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "Alex Rodriguez hit his 500th home run on Saturday. He's only got one thing to say to someone who still thinks he's paid too much for what he contributes: 'Derek, can you hand me my glove?'"
Jimmy Kimmel, "Jimmy Kimmel Live": "Earlier this year, there was a strange story about Keith Richards. He claims he once snorted a mixture of cocaine and his dead father's ashes. That was the story, but he denied it. Now, though, he's saying he did snort his dad, [but] he did not mix him with some cocaine. ... Stars, they're just like us."
