Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show," on President George W. Bush's recent colonoscopy: "White house spokesman Scott Stanzel said that during the procedure President Bush was asleep but responsive. So how is that different than any other day?"
Comedy writer Janice Hough: "When asked what he thought of Monday's YouTube presidential debate, President Bush said he liked their music but that lead singer Bono was Irish and thus ineligible to vote."
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse on the tiny pet Chihuahua in Colorado who got between a toddler and a rattlesnake and managed to fight off the rattler to save the little boy's life: "Or as accused dog-fighting football player Michael Vick calls it, 'the best idea he's heard in a long time.'"
Michael Feldman, public radio's "Whad'Ya Know?": "Spoiler warning: the end of Harry Potter. Harry, seated in a diner with the Hogwarts crowd; cut to Hermione trying to parallel park her broom. Voldemort gets up from the counter to enter the men's room as Harry looks up from the booth with 'Witchy Woman' playing on the jukebox, and the pages go blank."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "A Christian group that claims it can cure homosexuality is starting a program to help gay Broadway stars become straight. The program is called, 'A Total Waste of Time.'"
