Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "Democratic presidential contender Barack Obama on Monday said his campaign made a 'dumb mistake' when it circulated a memo criticizing Hillary Rodham Clinton's financial ties to India. Apparently, since he released the info, he hasn't been able to fix his computer when he calls tech support."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich is heading an 'impeach Dick Cheney' movement. First of all, how many heart attacks has Cheney had? Five? Six? Want to get rid of this guy? Buy him a cheeseburger."
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "North Carolina has disbarred Duke lacrosse team prosecutor Mike Nifong for dishonesty, fraud and deceit. Or, as it's called among lawyers, 'professionalism.'"
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "Hillary Clinton has launched a new Web site where people can get all the latest Hillary news. In a related story, John Edwards has launched a new Web site where people can order his secret blend of shampoos and conditioners."
David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman," on the rumor that President George W. Bush's wristwatch was stolen while meeting with crowds in Albania: "I was going through the files and I believe he is the first president to be robbed since - well, Al Gore."
Bartes on the rumor that Rosie O'Donnell could be the new host of "The Price is Right": "It would be the first game show where the host screams more than the contestants."
