Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," on the recent Democratic presidential debate: "All the candidates said if they were elected, they would get rid of the military's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy for gay soldiers. [It] would be replaced by a new policy: 'Don't tell me you're wearing those boots with that gun.'"
Michael Feldman, public radio's "Whad'Ya Know?": "The Secret Service has been erasing logs of visitors to Vice President Cheney's residence. Surprisingly, he's had some. Mostly Jehovah's Witnesses and the Orkin man - although that may have been Tom DeLay."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "There are three new books out this week about Hillary Clinton. One for each of her positions on the Iraq War."
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "Scooter Libby has been sentenced to 30 months in jail and a $250,000 fine for lying to investigators in the CIA leak case. Libby has been instructed to make the $250,000 check out to the Democratic Party."
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "President Bush has called immigrants 'people willing to risk everything for the dream of freedom,' and characterized America as 'a blessed and promised land in desperate need of mowing.' "
David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman": "The statistics are out: New York City is now the safest big city in the nation. It's all due to Mayor Bloomberg's $50 fine for murder."
