Conan O'Brien, "Late Night With Conan O'Brien": "The president of Iraq, Jalal Talabani, came to America to check into a weight-loss clinic because he's dangerously obese. Apparently, he is the only Iraqi worried about dying of natural causes."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "Jimmy Carter ripped President Bush as the 'worst in history' for his foreign policy. Carter says Bush could be the worst president since himself."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "President Bush said we need to find a middle ground on immigration. We already have a middle ground. It's called Texas, Arizona and Southern California."
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "New evidence shows that Saddam Hussein's government paid al Jazeera TV $68,000 in 2002, although it's not clear if the money was for editorial favoritism or the premium satellite sports package."
Comedy writer Rob Bates: "Britain's outgoing prime minister, Tony Blair, went to Washington and praised President Bush, demonstrating once again why he's Britain's outgoing prime minister."
Michael Feldman, public radio's "Whad'Ya Know?": "The Senate's immigration bill allows Mexicans to leave the country. That'd be an emigration bill, wouldn't it?"
Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "Michael Moore's new movie, 'Sicko,' is expected to make around $40 million at the U.S. box office. To make more overseas, producers are painting Moore green and calling it 'Shrek the Fourth.'"
