Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," on Attorney General Alberto Gonzales' congressional testimony: "Alberto Gonzales doesn't know what happened, but he assures you what he doesn't remember was handled properly."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "President Bush met with the president of Peru. When the Peruvian president invited President Bush to visit Machu Picchu, Bush said, 'Great! I love Pokémon.'"
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "Donald Trump escorted his wife, Melania, to a benefit 'Wig Party' last week. Donald was allowed to attend the wig party on the condition that under no circumstances would he ever become a donor."
David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman": "Mayor Bloomberg has announced that he wants to plant a million trees in New York City. A million trees in New York City. Or as Donald Trump calls it, a blight on the landscape."
Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Did you see who was at the White House Correspondents Dinner this past weekend? Sanjaya from 'American Idol.' He was a guest. In fact, Republican leaders made Alberto Gonzales sit next to Sanjaya as kind of a hint that maybe it was time to go."
Letterman on presidential hopeful John Edwards' $400 haircut: "But here's the worst part: Earlier tonight, Edwards hosted a dinner to raise money for a facial."
