Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," on Karl Rove rapping at the Washington Correspondents' Dinner: "Let's say Jeffrey Dahmer came to your bar mitzvah and it turned out that he was a great dancer. He's still Jeffrey Dahmer."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "Rev. Al Sharpton announced yesterday he is not running for president. In a related story, nobody asked."
Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: "Recently, the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 in favor of forcing companies to enact clean air policies that help the environment and reduce greenhouse gases. You know the tide has turned when Supreme Court decisions start favoring Al Gore."
Comedy writer Janice Hough: "With back-to-back NCAA basketball championships, the Florida Gators now lay claim to being the No. 1 amateur team in the country. Unless, of course, you count the Bush administration."
Bill Maher on the latest "American Idol" controversy: "Sanjaya is apparently being kept on the show because there's a Web site called voteforthe worst.com, which urges the voters to vote for the worst possible choice. President Bush heard about it and said, 'Hey, it worked for me.'"
Comedy writer Pedro Bartes: "Connecticut police arrested a man who claimed to be Dick Cheney after a high-speed chase. The cops knew the man wasn't the vice president because he was driving a hybrid."
