Jay Leno, "The Tonight Show": "Alberto Gonzales has gotten into trouble for firing eight U.S. attorneys for what appear to be political reasons. President Bush said he still has confidence in Gonzales. The same confidence he had in Rumsfeld, Scooter Libby and Michael Brown of FEMA."
Michael Feldman, public radio's "Whad'Ya Know?": "Vying for the Jewish vote, Hillary says she's behind Israel 100 percent, Obama raises it to 200. Hillary says she can get it for you wholesale, Obama says cost. Hillary's playing Queen Esther for Purim, Obama stars as Tevye in 'Fiddler' at a dinner theater in Skokie. Running neck and neck."
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "The chairman of the House Science Committee says NASA is headed for 'a train wreck' without better funding. Apparently he means that astronauts will soon be forced to take Amtrak."
Comedy writer Jake Novak: "The 555-seat Airbus A380 made its debut in the United States on Monday. The new jet is expected to eventually set records for stranding the most people at a single departure gate."
Comedy writer Rob Bates: "Sylvester Stallone has been charged in Australia with illegally importing performance-enhancing drugs. Unfortunately, he didn't take the drugs in time for his latest Rocky movie."
Barach on the government-run oil industry in Mexico suffering from depleted reserves, crumbling pipelines and outdated technology: "Or as we call it here: Exxon."
