David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman": "Hillary Clinton announced she's running for president, and the Republicans are already busy digging up dirt. They found out that once in her lifetime she slept with Bill Clinton."
Comedy writer Bob Bates: "O.J. Simpson claims the chapter from his unpublished book, 'If I Did It,' recently excerpted in Newsweek, was not a confession and that he didn't write it. He added he will spend the rest of his life searching for the real authors."
Comedy writer Jake Novak on Republican Sen. John Warner's speaking out against President George W. Bush's planned troop surge in Iraq: "Of course, Warner learned all about retreating from disasters when he divorced Elizabeth Taylor in 1982."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien": "Muslim-American groups are angry over the way Muslims are portrayed on the Fox drama '24.' A spokesman for Fox said, 'If Muslims are upset about that, they should see how they are portrayed on Fox News.'"
Comedy writer Jim Barach: "A New York couple is divorcing, but neither one wants to give up their house, so they built a wall down the middle. They would have tried it earlier, but Bill Clinton says by law they couldn't alter the White House."
O'Brien on former President George Bush's announcement that he plans to jump out of a plane on his 85th birthday: "So, for a few minutes, there will be two George Bushes in free fall."
