Bill Maher, "Real Time with Bill Maher," on President Bush's delayed response to the crisis in New Orleans: "It only took him four days to make a plan, but finally today he said he had (one). Unfortunately, it's a faith-based plan that involves getting two of every animal onto a big boat."
Conan O'Brien, "Late Night with Conan O'Brien," on celebrity outcry over same: "Celine Dion criticized President Bush for the slow evacuation of New Orleans. Celine said, 'I could have driven everyone out of that city in two songs.'"
Comedy writer Alan Ray: "Cleanup continues in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Officials say the looting persists. Bands of thugs are roaming the area pretending to be oil executives."
David Letterman, "Late Show with David Letterman," on Michael Jackson's efforts to beef up his image: "Earlier today, he changed the name of his ranch from 'Neverland' to 'The Ponderosa.'"
Comedy writer Jake Novak on the death of "Gilligan's Island" star Bob Denver: "The White House is declaring a national day of mourning to remember the man who originated the character President Bush has been playing since the 2000 election."
O'Brien on rap mogul Suge Knight's recovery from a gunshot wound to the leg: "Doctors say that Knight is fine, and should be shooting back in no time."
