Comedy writer Jim Barach: “President Bush and the pope prayed together during the Pontiff’s meeting at the White House. The pope prayed for world peace, while President Bush asked for a pony.”

Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show”: “President Bush made an appearance on the TV show ‘Deal or No Deal.’ I guess he got turned down for ‘Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?’ “

Bill Maher, “Real Time With Bill Maher”: “You know that since George Bush has become president, gas has basically tripled in price. Now, Bush is an oil man. I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m just saying that if we had elected Colonel Sanders president, and the price of chicken had tripled, I’d be a little suspicious.”

Comic and senior Newsday multimedia producer Meredith Daniels: “A new body scanner installed at Kennedy Airport allows security screeners to see images of passengers in their underwear or even naked. Coincidentally, applications for security screeners at Kennedy Airport have nearly tripled in the past week.”

Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: “A study shows that New Yorkers are getting a lot fatter. Except for the New York Knicks. By firing Isiah Thomas, they just lost 200 pounds of useless weight.”

Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com

Comedy writer Janice Hough: “The U.S. is truly the land of opportunity. A black man who just finished paying off his student loans can be called ‘elitist.’ A woman who with her husband has earned over $100 million in the past five years can call herself ‘middle class.’ And a 71-year-old man who has earned nothing but government paychecks his entire adult life can call himself an ‘outsider.’”

Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show”: “Gen. David Petraeus was grilled by the presidential candidates and other congressional leaders on Capitol Hill for two days last week. He said he couldn’t wait to get back to Iraq, where the government is much more friendly and compassionate.”

Comedy writer Alan Ray: “The pope will visit President Bush in the White House. Talk about different leaders. One speaks almost no English and thinks he’s God’s emissary. The other is the head of the Catholic Church.”

Comedy writer Jake Novak: “Construction workers jackhammered through concrete this week to pull out a Red Sox jersey from the base of the new Yankee Stadium. The bodies of the 15 former union officials also in the foundation were not disturbed.”

Comedy writer Jim Barach on a study that says that a person’s face can tell if the person is interested in casual sex or a long-term commitment: “You can tell they are interested in casual sex if the face in question is a man’s.”

Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com

Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: “Hillary Clinton says she’s been warning of the current U.S. economic downturn for a year, characterizing herself as a female Paul Revere shouting, ‘The recession is coming, the recession is coming!’ John McCain criticized Hillary saying, ‘Senator, I served with Paul Revere. I knew Paul Revere; Paul Revere was a friend of mine. Senator Clinton, you’re no Paul Revere.’”

Bill Maher, on the 40th anniversary of the assassination of Martin Luther King: “All the politicians were trying to make a tribute. Many of them were in Memphis. Hillary Clinton made a speech. John McCain made a speech. He was at the motel in Memphis. Eliot Spitzer was also there. Not to honor Dr. King, just because it was a motel.”

Comedy writer Jim Barach: “The Department of Homeland Security has waived environmental and land management laws to complete a 670-mile long border fence. They also waived labor laws in hiring illegal workers to build it.”

Amy Poehler, “Saturday Night Live”: “Hillary Clinton’s campaign released her joint tax returns showing $109 million in income over the past seven years. … Most of that comes from Bill Clinton’s speaking engagements, book royalties and stud fees.”

Conan O’Brien, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien”: “Barack Obama is narrowing the gap in Pennsylvania, and his campaign is pulling out all the stops. His campaign office is now giving away tickets to Dave Matthews concerts. Apparently this is Obama’s attempt to win over really white voters.”

Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com

A few weeks ago I got a call, out of the blue, from a reporter with US News & World Report who had seen some postings I had made online about mobile devices and wanted to interview me for a story he was writing on it. Of course, I was happy to oblige and now I’m in the article!!

Update: The reported contacted me again recently to tell me that the article had been selected to appear in the print version of the magazine and they wanted to send a photographer out to take some pictures of me for use when the article runs. I haven’t yet heard from the photographer, but its still pretty exciting!

Want a little-known tip for saving on your taxes? Try writing off the cost of your cellphone, iPhone, or BlackBerry as a business expense.

How do you figure that out? Count up all the calls you’ve made from your cellphone and all the E-mails you’ve sent from your BlackBerry. What percentage of those calls and E-mails were related to your job alone, and not communications with your family or friends? That’s the share of your phone bill that you can write off. And it’s the case regardless of whether you are an employee with a company-provided phone or you’re self-employed using your own phone for business.

Read More…

And the part of the article that I’m in:

One small-business person who has used wireless technology to his advantage is Marc Bressman, who runs his own company, Falcon Computer Consulting, in Livingston, N.J. “I almost consider my wireless device a laptop replacement,” he says. When he’s traveling to clients’ offices to help with computer problems, he can use his Palm Treo to access his list of contacts with phone numbers and addresses stored in his E-mail account.

So would Bressman ever consider recording all of the business E-mails and calls he makes to try to write his wireless bill off his taxes? “It would take so much time to keep a log that it would defeat the purpose of any savings you’d be making,” he says.

Courtesy of US News & World Report

Debra and I were on the TV Show Cash Cab (on Discovery) a few months ago (we were a “street shout out”) and it aired on April 3rd. Here’s the part of the show we were in:

Pretty cool, huh?

P.S. It looks like I know the answer and Debra is just repeating what I say, but in reality, I was clueless and she came through for the people riding in the Cash Cab. It’s just their editing that makes it look like I’m the one that knows the answer

Bill Maher, “Real Time with Bill Maher”: “Hillary was caught in a bit of a lie. When she was first lady, she went to Bosnia when it was war-torn. She said that she faced sniper fire. Never happened. And had to run to the car for cover. Never happened. If only she had channeled that active fantasy world into her marriage.”

Comedy writer Alan Ray: “President Bush was in Bucharest for his last NATO summit. He tried to compliment the people of Romania by saying, ‘I really enjoy your lettuce.’”

Michael Feldman, public radio’s “Whad’Ya Know?”: “President Bush offers plan for home crisis: summer in Kennebunkport, winter in the Emirates.”

Comedy writer Jake Novak: “The Olympic torch has arrived in Beijing. It will be taken all across China, where it will be used to set protesters on fire.”

David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman”: “Down in Washington, D.C., President Bush threw the first pitch at a Nationals game. He left at the seventh inning, and I thought, ‘Great. At least he has an exit strategy for that.’”

Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show,” on Barack Obama bowling a 37 out of 300 while campaigning in Pennsylvania: “Of course, being a Democrat, he automatically demanded a recount.”

Comedy writer Pedro Bartes on same: “Wouldn’t it be great if all of the candidates went bowling, so they can see what it feels to be in other people’s shoes?”

Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com