Comedy writer Patrick Gorse: “Rudy Giuliani has decided to bypass Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina, and put all his chips on the primary in Florida. Giuliani’s campaign must be in critical condition to opt for a triple bypass.”

Comedy writer Jim Barach: “Members of Congress spent more than $20 million on mailings in 2007 – mostly to tell constituents how they are going to rein in excessive government spending.”

Comedy writer Jake Novak: “Israeli scientists have inscribed the entire Hebrew text of the Jewish Bible onto a space less than half the size of grain of sugar. Such a small object should be a challenge for the Palestinian terrorists who will inevitably try to blow it up.”

Comedy writer Doug Austen: “The international space station got a delivery of two tons of supplies and holiday gifts. The astronauts learned that even with less gravity, fruitcake still weighs a ton.”

Comedy writer Alan Ray: “This New Year’s Eve, music blared, Champagne flowed and inebriated people made out with strangers on the street. Or as Paris Hilton called it, ‘Monday.’”

Barach on Russian President Vladimir Putin being chosen as Time magazine’s Person of the Year: “Al Gore finished in second. When asked what it was like to lose to a dictator of a floundering country who had no regard for civil rights, Gore said, ‘Been there, done that.’”

Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com