Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show”: “It seems the little tiff between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton has really heated up since their last argument at the last Democratic debate. They have become distant. They barely speak to each other now. When they do speak, it’s really icy. Or as Hillary calls it, ‘marriage.’”
Conan O’Brien, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien”: “Iraq’s parliament adjourned for the entire month of August. Experts predict there will be a lack of progress in Iraq for the month of August, the likes of which haven’t been seen since June or July.”
David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman”: “Sen. Hillary Clinton … appeared on the Senate floor wearing a pink blazer and a skimpy top. She looked so hot, Sen. Ted Kennedy sent over a drink.”
Comedy writer Jim Barach: “Kansas City Royals outfielder Emil Brown accidentally shot a TV reporter in the face with a pellet gun. Authorities say he could receive up to eight years as vice president.”
Comedy writer Richard Siegelman: “When Dick Cheney underwent his heart procedure, did George W. Bush temporarily take over as president?”
Comedy writer Matt Passet: “Drew Carey will be the new host of ‘The Price is Right.’ Since the producers couldn’t get their first choice, Rosie O’Donnell, they got the person who looks the most like her.”
Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com