Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show,” on the resignation of Randall Tobias, President Bush’s person in charge of promoting abstinence, after admitting he hired women from a Washington, D.C., escort service: “When the White House heard about this scandal, they were relieved. Finally, a Republican caught in a sex scandal with a woman.”
David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman”: “Former CIA Director George Tenet has written a tell-all book. President Bush has not read the book yet. Well, boy, there’s a surprise.”
Conan O’Brien, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien”: “Hillary Clinton says if she is elected president, she will use Bill Clinton as an ambassador because she ‘can’t think of a better cheerleader for America.’ To which Bill Clinton said, ‘I can think of 20, and I have their phone numbers.’ “
Comedy writer Janice Hough: “Hillary Clinton has been making increasingly outlandish and unrealistic promises. For instance, yesterday she promised that, if elected president, she will fix the Yankees.”
Comedy writer Jim Barach on golfer Byron Nelson receiving a Congressional Gold Medal: “I didn’t know he had a part in starting the war in Iraq.”
Comedy writer Alan Ray: “The ratings are way down for the Fox series ’24.’ In an upcoming episode, Jack Bauer will attempt to foil the ultimate terrorist plot: A network executive out to cancel the show.”
Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com