Comedy writer Matt Passet: “According to the latest polls, Hillary Clinton’s decision to stand by Bill after his affair is seen as a sign of strength. Upon hearing this, Bill said that if it’ll help her numbers, he’d gladly do it again.”
Comedy writer Alan Ray: “Tom Vilsack has dropped out of the Democratic race for president. His last fundraising dinner was a huge flop. Apparently there was too much noise in the next booth.”
Conan O’Brien, “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”: “The U.S. government has hired several psychics to help find Osama bin Laden. So far the psychics haven’t been able to locate bin Laden, but they do predict he’ll soon find true love.”
Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show,” on a juror in the Scooter Libby trial being dismissed after being exposed to information about the case outside of the courtroom: “How did this happen? The news channels talk about nothing but Anna Nicole and Britney Spears for the last two weeks. What channel is this guy watching?”
Leno: “Al Gore said that for the first time, the Academy Awards had a green theme. Which is not really true. It’s always had a green theme – money and envy.”
Comedy writer Rob Bates: “Anti-bullying advocates are upset with the name of a new professional basketball team in Syracuse called the Syracuse Bullies. Team members met with the advocates and stole their lunch money.”
Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com