Bill Maher, “Real Time with Bill Maher”: “The New Jersey Supreme Court says homosexuals actually have the same civil rights as straight people, which means they can marry. See, this is the difference between Democrats and Republicans. Democrats want gays to get married. Republicans know congressmen need to be able to play the field.”
Comedy writer Jake Novak: “John Kerry is insisting his comment that people who ‘don’t study in school end up stuck in Iraq’ was a botched joke directed at President Bush, and not U.S. soldiers. His supporters argue this would be consistent with the botched joke that was his 2004 presidential campaign.”
Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show”: “Nevada gubernatorial candidate Jim Gibbons has been accused of trying to fondle a single mom in a parking garage after a night of heavy drinking. Now they’re saying to win, he has to give the speech of his life – and that’s just to Mrs. Gibbons.”
Conan O’Brien, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien”: “Rush Limbaugh recently upset a lot of people because he accused Michael J. Fox of exaggerating his Parkinson’s disease symptoms for political reasons. Then Limbaugh accused Stevie Wonder of exaggerating his blindness for free sunglasses.”
Seth Meyers, “Saturday Night Live”: “Many say that London has replaced New York City as the world’s undisputed financial capital. Hear that terrorists? The world’s undisputed financial capital is London.”
Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com