Comedy writer Jake Novak: “After launching its longest-range rocket ever on Friday, Hezbollah says it still has more ‘secret weapons’ to use against Israel. But that may not be true anymore, now that Mel Gibson has been arrested in California.”
David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman”: “President Bush hosted the ‘American Idol’ finalists in the Oval Office. Well, sure. There’s not really anything else going on.”
Comedy writer Alan Ray: “United Airlines has posted its first quarterly profit since 2000. The airline plans to pass on the good news to its customers. Starting in September, passengers will receive a second package of peanuts.”
Comedy writer Janice Hough: “The federal government has convened yet another grand jury to go after Barry Bonds. He allegedly used steroids, as well as cheated on his wife and taxes. If the grand jury doesn’t indict him, the Republicans will nominate him to run for Congress.”
Novak on the Mets picking up pitchers Roberto Hernandez and Oliver Perez from the Pittsburgh Pirates for Xavier Nady: “The deal gives New York some extra bullpen help, and allows them to avoid going to the postseason with a player who has a French name.”
Barach on research showing that shark fins and human arms share similar genes: “Apparently this is what allows lawyers to shake hands.”
Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com