10. After selling a hot dog, vendors share helpful food poisoning remedies
9. Batteries thrown by New York Yankees fans are the environmentally-friendly rechargeable kind
8. Whenever you step off a city bus, the driver gives you a friendly pat on the ass
7. Muggers say, “May I?” before gutting you like a carp
6. Cab drivers no longer curse and give the finger at the same time
5. Two words: complimentary rats
4. “Thank you” always follows, “Do as I say and no one gets hurt”
3. “We’re sorry” is printed on every Knicks ticket
2. Number of motorists who stop at red lights is up to 8%
1. People are now greeting me with, “Go screw yourself, Mr. Letterman”