Jon Stewart, “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” on President Bush’s surprise visit to Iraq: “Said the Iraqi prime minister to the president, ‘If I knew you were coming, I’d have built an infrastructure.’”
Comedy writer Alan Ray: “Robert Byrd of West Virginia has now served in the Senate a record 47-plus years. Some say he’s out of touch, irrelevant and a puppet of lobbyists. Or, as his colleagues call him, ‘one of us.’”
David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman,” on the rumor that New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg may run for president: “I thought there was a height requirement.”
Stewart on the killing of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi: “The FBI says it wants Zarqawi’s DNA so they can compare it with samples found in other terrorist safe houses, in order to establish the extent of his influence, and if need be, clone him so he can be killed again closer to mid-term elections.”
Comedy writer Jake Novak: “U.S. soccer coach Bruce Arena says he’s going to use a different lineup in the team’s second World Cup match, this Saturday. That might work, but only if that lineup is the Brazilian team.”
Comedy writer Jim Barach, on researchers’ looking at the potential use of parasites to treat stomach disorders: “This is the best news for parasites since Kevin Federline married Britney Spears.”
Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com