Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show”: “President Bush is proposing sending 6,000 National Guard troops to bolster patrols along the U.S.-Mexican border, or as he’s calling it, ‘No Juan Left Behind.’”
Comedy writer Janice Hough: “President Bush assured the American public last week that the government is not ‘trolling through the personal lives of innocent Americans’ by monitoring phone calls. He added that ‘Fred Smith of Orlando had better not forget to pick up the milk again or his wife is going to divorce him.’”
Amy Poehler, “Saturday Night Live”: “New Jersey has abandoned its slogan, ‘Come See for Yourself,’ after it was revealed that other states have used the same slogan. This doesn’t bode well for New Jersey’s newest slogan, ‘I Love New York.’”
Comedy writer Jake Novak: “The U.S. has reestablished diplomatic relations with Libya. President Bush can’t wait to get Moammar Gadhafi’s thoughts on phone-tapping and imprisonment without trial.”
Tina Fey, “Saturday Night Live”: “A new satellite TV channel is being launched this week called Baby First TV, and will be featuring shows aimed at children from 6 months to 3 years of age, including the hit series, ‘CSI: Poopy Town.’”
Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com