David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman” on the Yankees home opener: “I think some of the players may still be on steroids, because in the third inning Jason Giambi comes to bat and bunts a ball into the upper deck.”
Bill Maher, “Real Time with Bill Maher”: “Dick Cheney’s main man ‘Scooter’ Libby says that it was Bush himself who approved leaking classified information. I find that hard to believe – that President Bush is allowed to see classified information!”
Comedy writer Jim Barach: “A study says there is a greater risk for a heart attack in a strong economy. Apparently, destroying our economy is all part of the Bush health care plan.”
Comedy writer Alan Ray: “Sunday is Easter. The annual egg hunt on the White House lawn is a unique event for the Bush administration. It’s an invasion involving young Americans with a definite end in sight.”
Amy Poehler, “Saturday Night Live”: “Police in Los Angeles are investigating a report by Paula Abdul that a man slammed her into a wall during an argument at a party, giving her a concussion. Doctors became concerned when Abdul began speaking clearly and making sense.”
Maher on the upcoming deadline for filing federal income taxes: “You can make your check out directly to Halliburton.”
Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com