Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show”: “Indicted former Republican Majority Leader Tom DeLay announced he is resigning from Congress and will not run for re-election. People were shocked – a Republican with an exit plan?”
Conan O’Brien, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien”: “Earlier today, the pilots at Delta Air Lines voted to go on strike. Apparently, the pilots voted to authorize the strike at 10:30, but the strike didn’t actually get off the ground until 12:15.”
Comedy writer Matt Passet: “Paula Abdul has signed on to do another three years of ‘American Idol.’ She said it was a tough decision. It was either sign another contract, or go back to doing absolutely nothing.”
O’Brien on the start of baseball season: “At opening day in Cincinnati, President Bush threw out the first pitch. Then the president started crying because the manager took him out of the game.”
Novak on the syringe thrown at Barry Bonds after the opening day game in San Diego: “Bonds was actually delighted because he’d left his at home.”
Leno on Florida defeating UCLA for the NCAA Championship: “The Gators got a congratulatory phone call from President Bush, and UCLA shot so badly, they got a phone call from Dick Cheney.”
Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com