Tina Fey, “Saturday Night Live”: “President Bush and the Indian prime minister agreed on a landmark nuclear energy agreement in which the U.S. would share its nuclear know-how and fuel with India, and in exchange, India would take all our jobs.”
Jon Stewart, “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” on footage showing President George W. Bush being briefed on a possible levee breach in New Orleans before Hurricane Katrina: “I will say this in the president’s defense: During that briefing we saw, he wasn’t listening.”
Comedy writer Rob Bates: “According to a new poll, more than 50 percent of Americans know more about ‘The Simpsons’ than their constitutional rights. Of course, no one’s trying to slowly erode ‘The Simpsons.’”
Fey on how to use the new FDA-approved patch for depression: “Simply remove the backing, and press the patch firmly over your mother’s mouth.”
Stewart at the 78th Annual Academy Awards: “‘Capote’ addressed very similar themes to ‘Good Night, and Good Luck.’ Both films are about determined journalists defying obstacles in a relentless pursuit of the truth. Needless to say, both are period pieces.”
Conan O’Brien, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien”: “The company that owns Madison Square Garden has proposed tearing the Garden down and building a new one. The good news is they’re going to tear it down during a Knicks game.”
Courtesy of Ken Rasak and Newsday.com