Comedy writer Jake Novak: “The money train, a secret train that traveled New York City’s subway lines each night, collecting cash from station booths, was taken out of service this weekend. From now on, all the cash will be delivered directly from station booths to the transit union’s executive board.”
Comedy writer Alan Ray: The New York Jets have hired Eric Mangini as head coach. He likes the terms of his deal. His vacation always starts Jan. 1.”
David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman”: “Former Vice President Al Gore says that President Bush has repeatedly and insistently broken the law. Al issued this strongly worded statement into his microphone at Taco Bell.”
Jon Stewart, “The Daily Show with Jon Stewart”: “The Republican Party is still dealing with the fallout of the Jack Abramoff corruption scandal. The latest victim is Ohio congressman Bob Ney, who stepped down as House Administration Committee chairman this week while he’s under investigation. That chairmanship now goes to the next highest ranking republican, Representative Giant Pile of Jack Abramoff’s Money.”
Letterman on the 2006 Golden Globe Awards: “[It's] so long and so dull today Dick Cheney ordered a copy of it to torture detainees.”