Comedy writer Alan Ray: “Jets coach Herm Edwards is now head coach of the Kansas City Chiefs. The Jets will waste no time in naming a successor. Fans can expect to criticize a replacement by the end of the month.”
Comedy writer Matt Passet: “A NYC man who has been bedridden for 17 years is being charged over $500 a month by the phone company for services he didn’t order. The sad part is, the reason he’s been in bed for 17 years is he’s waiting for the cable guy.”
Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show”: “Supreme Court nomination hearings are under way for Judge Samuel Alito. … Democrats want to know his position on privacy, and Republicans want to know his position on prison terms for bribery.”
Comedy writer Jake Novak: “Saddam Hussein’s new defense strategy is to say that he was the head of state and had unlimited powers against his enemies. Apparently, he’s put some of President Bush’s lawyers on retainer.”
Comedy writer Jim Barach: “A 4-year-old Houston boy was placed on the government ‘no fly’ list. His parents are furious. Meanwhile, most airline passengers feel all 4- year-olds should be placed on the ‘no fly’ list.”
Conan O’Brien, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” on Albert Hofmann, the man who invented LSD, turning 100: “[He] plans to spend his birthday surrounded by friends, family, and a 9-foot-tall unicorn.”
Since it appears you cannot activate a non-Verizon phone (i.e. the Sprint Treo 650) on the Verizon network, I’m wondering if anyone would be interested in trading their Verizon Treo 650 for my Brand New Sprint Treo 650. I’d definitely like the Verizon Treo 650 to be brand new, but would be willing to consider units that aren’t brand new but are in good to excellent condition. I’d also be willing to throw in some software I’ve purchased and/or a 128 MB SD card to sweeten the deal a little…if you are interested, please Contact Me. I am located in Northern NJ. Thanks!
I’ve completed the updates for the Road Trip USA – 2003 Site. You can now once again view all the Road Trip videos, as well as full-size photos from the trip. Additionally, you can now comment on and rate photos and videos. To view the videos and full-size photos, as well as leave comments and ratings, please visit the new Road Trip USA – 2003 Web Site. From there, you can navigate to the photos and videos for the different legs of the trip. If you have any problems or need any help with navigating, leaving comments for photos or videos, or rating photos or videos, please feel free to Contact Me. Thanks, and Enjoy!
Haha…you gotta love those crazy Canadians 
TORONTO (Reuters) – A Canadian credit card holder is putting a new twist on an old trick practised by disgruntled debtors — repaying his bill in pennies to maximise the collector’s inconvenience.
Unhappy when his Canadian bank began outsourcing some of its credit card processing to the United States, the man lodged his protest via the bank’s online payment system, jamming its computers by making dozens of tiny payments a day.
Read More…
Courtesy of Reuters UK
CAMDEN, N.J. (AP) – A jury looking at the bloody coat of the victim in an attempted murder trial found something the authorities missed: 30 bags of what appeared to be crack.
The deliberations were stopped after the discovery Thursday, and the jury was told to return to the courthouse next week.
Charles Gould, 25, is on trial in the shooting of Dwaun Drayton in 2003.
Courtesy of My Way News
HEAT GUN THAT WARNS: “DO NOT USE AS HAIRDRYER” WINS TOP PRIZE IN M-LAW’S NINTH ANNUAL WACKY WARNING LABEL CONTEST
A heat gun and paint remover that produces temperatures of 1,000 degrees and warns users, “Do not use this tool as a hair dryer” has been identified as the nation’s wackiest warning label in M-LAW’s annual Wacky Warning Label Contest.
Other Winners Include:
For those people who aren’t “the sharpest knife in the drawer.” The $250 second place award went to Jam Sardar of Grand Rapids, Michigan for a label on a kitchen knife that warns: “Never try to catch a falling knife.”
“Hurry up, bartender! I’m late for the regatta.” The $100 third place award goes to Alice Morgan of La Junta, Colorado who found a very wacky warning on a cocktail napkin. The napkin has a map of the waterways around Hilton Head, South Carolina printed on it along with this: “Caution: Not to be used for navigation.”
And don’t eat the yellow snow, either. Kirk Dunham of Seabrook, Texas gets an honorable mention for a warning label he found on a bottle of dried bobcat urine made to keep rodents and other pests away from garden plants. It says: “Not for human consumption.”
But will it get cold in the refrigerator? Another honorable mention goes to Lyne Anton of Elk, California who found the following warning label on a baking pan: “Ovenware will get hot when used in oven.”
Read More…
Jay Leno, “The Tonight Show”: “All kinds of gigantic after-Christmas sales going on … Today in Washington lobbyist Jack Abramoff is selling Tom DeLay at 50 percent off.”
Conan O’Brien, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien”: “Republican lobbyist Jack Abramoff has agreed to cooperate with federal prosecutors. He could name up to 20 congressmen. When he heard this, President Bush said, ‘That’s amazing, I can only name three congressmen.’”
David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman,” on Farris Hassan, the Florida teenager who ran away from home and went to Iraq: “He spent three weeks over there, and then he came home. At least he had an exit strategy.”
Comedy writer Jake Novak: “Computer voting machine manufacturer John Diebold has died at the age of 79. In his will, he gave $10 million to his children, $5 million to charity, and one million votes to the next Republican candidate for president.”
Comedy writer Jim Barach on the rumor that Donald Trump is considering a run for the governorship: “I don’t think he’s too sure about the process. He keeps calling George Pataki to tell him, ‘You’re fired!’”
O’Brien on the first time in more than 50 years that it rained during the Rose Bowl Parade: “Fortunately, officials were able to keep the parade route dry by dragging the Spongebob float back and forth.”
Haha…for those of you who liked Napoleon Dynamite, this is for you:
My Dynamite Idaho
Money Tree
I wonder what would have happened if he’d tried to spend some of the credit…