Jon Stewart, “The Daily Show,” on protests in Jordan against Abu
Musab al-Zarqawi over the recent hotel bombings: “It’s almost as if
the terrorist strategy of winning over the Islamic world by blowing
it up is backfiring.”
Comedy writer Rob Bates: “Vice President Dick Cheney is said to have
led the opposition to the congressional ban on inhumane treatment of
prisoners. Experts say this policy may be rethought now that so many
people in the vice president’s office may be going to prison.”
Stewart on Bruce Willis’ recent offer of $1 million for the capture
of al-Qaida terrorist leaders: “Here’s how you know you’re a
successful movie star: You’re making terrorist bounty money.”
David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman,” on the Country
Music Association awards show being held at Madison Square
Garden: “Big night for the Dixie Chicks. They beat the Knicks 112-
94.”
Comedy writer Jim Barach: “Jesse Jackson and Ralph Nader have come
to the defense of Terrell Owens. Only a politician and preacher can
really understand what it’s like to keep putting your foot in your
mouth.”
Conan O’Brien, “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” on Paris Hilton
getting bitten by her pet monkey: “Fortunately, a doctor quickly
showed up and gave the monkey shots.”
Letterman on the cancellation of “The Apprentice: Martha
Stewart”: “It’s the same old story. It’s hard to hold a job when
you’re an ex-con.”