David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman”: “Insiders say
that if Karl Rove resigns, President Bush will not function
effectively. Wait a minute – all this time he’s been functioning
effectively?”
Bill Maher, “Real Time with Bill Maher”: “Apparently [President]
Bush is so exhausted from fighting off all of the scandals, he’s
praying for another emergency like a flood or an attack, so he can
kick back and do nothing.”
Tina Fey, “Saturday Night Live”: “Last week Hurricane Wilma grew
into the most intense Atlantic storm ever recorded, a Category 5
with 175 mph winds, or what’s known around FEMA as ‘casual Friday.’”
Maher on Saddam Hussein’s court appearance last week: “[He had a]
full beard, put on a little weight, and insisted he was still
president. I thought it was Al Gore.”
Comedy writer Jim Barach on the death of former “Our Gang” star
Eugene “Porky” Lee at 71: “That means the title of the oldest person
with a kid’s nickname now goes to Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby.”
Fey on U2 lead singer Bono meeting with President Bush in the White
House: “[Bono] urged the president to help the world’s poor, while
the president urged Bono to get back with Cher.”
Comedy writer Rob Bates on an anti-Tom Cruise Web site called
ScienTOMogy, which received a cease-and-desist letter from the
Church of Scientology: “The church claims the exclusive rights to
make Tom Cruise look stupid.”