10. “Interviews start with, ‘Sup, dawg?’”

9. “Once a month, Ashton Kutcher punks a world leader”

8. “Something bad happens in the world, anchor does a shot”

7. “Make ’60 Minutes’ stopwatch digital”

6. “Less about fighting in Middle East, more about fighting between Nick and Jessica”

5. “Spell news with a ‘Z’ – - The kids eat up crap like that”

4. “Get a drunk weatherman like ‘The Today Show’

3. “Anyone who sits through an entire broadcast gets an Ipod”

2. “Anchor must deliver the news while fighting off a rattlesnake”

1. “Less frontin’, more straight out trippin’”

David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman”: “Insiders say
that if Karl Rove resigns, President Bush will not function
effectively. Wait a minute – all this time he’s been functioning
effectively?”

Bill Maher, “Real Time with Bill Maher”: “Apparently [President]
Bush is so exhausted from fighting off all of the scandals, he’s
praying for another emergency like a flood or an attack, so he can
kick back and do nothing.”

Tina Fey, “Saturday Night Live”: “Last week Hurricane Wilma grew
into the most intense Atlantic storm ever recorded, a Category 5
with 175 mph winds, or what’s known around FEMA as ‘casual Friday.’”

Maher on Saddam Hussein’s court appearance last week: “[He had a]
full beard, put on a little weight, and insisted he was still
president. I thought it was Al Gore.”

Comedy writer Jim Barach on the death of former “Our Gang” star
Eugene “Porky” Lee at 71: “That means the title of the oldest person
with a kid’s nickname now goes to Lewis ‘Scooter’ Libby.”

Fey on U2 lead singer Bono meeting with President Bush in the White
House: “[Bono] urged the president to help the world’s poor, while
the president urged Bono to get back with Cher.”

Comedy writer Rob Bates on an anti-Tom Cruise Web site called
ScienTOMogy, which received a cease-and-desist letter from the
Church of Scientology: “The church claims the exclusive rights to
make Tom Cruise look stupid.”

Anyone ever try and browse to a web site, only to find that they get that stupid generic “Page Cannot Be Found” message. For anyone who’s ever gotten that message and gotten pissed off at it, these are for you:

http://www.coxar.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/
http://www.thispagecannotbedisplayed.com/index.php (Alternate)
http://www.mamselle.ca/error.html
http://www.se7en-x.com/oops/
http://www.homestarrunner.com/systemisdown.html