Bill Maher, “Real Time with Bill Maher”: “We are sending 10,000 more
troops into Iraq to shore them up for the upcoming election. That’s
just what we needed — an entrance strategy!”
Comedy writer Rob Bates: “With the Sunnis exiting the negotiations
for the new Iraqi constitution, a major part of the country now has
no say in the government. In other words, the Sunnis are the Blue
States.”
David Letterman, “Late Show with David Letterman”: “There’s a
bulletin from the State Department. Members of al-Qaida are sneaking
into this country disguised as fishermen. … As a result, airport
security will be asking you to place your worms on a tray.”
Comedy writer Jim Barach: “More motorists are using their credit
cards to pay for gas. At the rate prices are rising, they’ll soon
have an option at the pump to take out a second mortgage.”
Jimmy Kimmel, “Jimmy Kimmel Live,” on Art Garfunkel being pulled over
and charged with marijuana possession: “The sad thing is the troopers
pulled him over to get Paul Simon’s autograph.”
Comedy writer Jake Novak: “An anthropology professor at Northern
Arizona University decided to study undergraduates by living in a
dorm and taking college courses for a year. Many of her fellow
anthropology professors wanted to do the same, but on their salaries,
no one else could afford the tuition.”
Maher on hospitals employing techniques from the Middle Ages: “For
post-operative blood coagulation, they are going back to flesh-eating
maggots and blood-sucking leeches. Or as most people know them, HMOs.”
Letterman on the summer heat: “It was so humid in New York City
today, that Pat Robertson ordered a hit on Al Roker.”